~\\Happy October//~

This September, I felt a shift happen in my life. I don't know if everyone felt this, if Saturn is having it's effects on me, or if it's simply meant to be this way. I found myself alone for most of the month, and that is okay. It was actually much needed. I'm learning how to be alone and not lonely, and enjoying my own company. That hasn't been the case ever, I think.

These past few weeks have been healing, I have found out more about myself than I have in my whole life. It's amazing what we can learn about ourselves when no one is influencing us. My self esteem has gotten better which is a huge milestone for me, and I hope that this feeling is most permanent (I know I will have bad days but I hope that this attitude stick with me). My spirituality is more amplified than ever. This in particular is very important to me me, and it's nice to feel a sense of belonging in this huge universe. 

I also think that I am so happy because I know that where I live is no longer a place I call home. Me staying in Florida just feels like an extended vacation. I know I will be leaving soon. I don't have one thing left here. All of my friends have gone/are going, my family is taking care of my little sister (we live separate lives at this point), and Florida is too fucking hot. Soon, this will be only my hometown. This will be the place that I am from. And I find a lot of comfort in that.

The tarot cards have opened up a lot of myself to me if that makes sense. I saw things within the cards that I was consciously willing to deny, or unconsciously didn't realize were truths to me. I guess that's how people feel about God. 

One thing that I started doing more of again is just going outside. Even if I just sit in grass, go for a walk in my neighborhood, or do homework on my patio. It's so healing, and allows me to think clearly. The evenings are getting (a little) cooler, and compared to the beating heat of the afternoon, it feel super good, especially if there is a breeze. I also got some self-inspiration. I hardly ever inspire myself, but I have done a couple drawings and photos that I am truly proud of. I submitted to rookiemag.com for the month of October. I hope that I can get a publication through them at some point. Maybe not this month, or maybe not the month after. One day.

Also, for any of you artists, calling all creators, when was the last time you created for you? When is the last time you looked within yourself, and found inspiration? Many of us get caught up in our routines, we do only work for clients or money. I challenge you to take one day out of this month and create something for your own happiness. Make something you are proud of. Push yourself to explore a new medium you have wanted to learn. Find you inner child! I know it isn't easy, but its truly a healing experience.

I think I will be releasing some pretty meaningful content this month. I'm not sure if it will all be happy, or sad. I'm not sure what October has to bring me. All I know is that I'll be drinking a lot of pumpkin spiced coffee and eating a lot of apples.

-Maria