Healing, Confusion, Frustration

I have said in the past that the past few months have been a healing period. I never thought I would heal but I know that I am now, and I can feel it. I always pushed it away, I never welcomed healing into my daily life. But now I practice it daily, whether it be through long walks spent thinking, music, art, or even writing.

Although a time of healing, it is now a time of confusion and some frustration. I am confused because with all of the discoveries I am making with myself, the more questions I have. Because I have been focusing on my well bring more than anything, I have lost time invested into my business. It has been placed on the back burner but I really don't want that to be there. It's frustrating because it feels like time wasted. It hasn't been!!
I feel like I was on a path in the woods, and I accidentally trailed off without knowing it, and while I still enjoyed the hike, I realize I'm off of course and now I'm trying to find my way back. That's the best way of putting it.

Tomorrow I will be seeing a psychic to give me some guidance. I feel like it is much needed and now is more than a better time.

I finally have a clear personal goal for myself now, though. I just want to make good connections with people, no matter the extent of our relationship. If it's just a hello, my name is ____ I want to treat that as an important moment. To look them in the eye and listen to their name and remember how they act. I want to remember that person, and appreciate them for the person I saw them as, even for only a night. I want to welcome people to put their impression onto me. To make their mark and to make me see things in a new funny way. This has really made me feel happier lately. Taking my headphones out of my ears and my eyes off of the ground has made a huge difference. Imagine all of the people we could meet if our body language welcomed it? We could meet someone from Russia, someone who has a dad in that obscure band you know, or meet someone whose personality is the complete opposite of their appearance.

It's funny how afraid of people we are. I just want to be the person that I needed. I want to be the person that randomly brings excitement into someone's life, or someone that you can connect to immediately. Someone that can talk about deep ass shit but still dance around in the kitchen at the end of the night. I want to change how people see things, or make them feel okay. I don't want to judge people, I want to listen to them and understand them. I want them to feel comfortable in talking to me.

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I haven't worked on my business much. I haven't even thought about it much. It is time to return my attention back to it. I may have two large projects this month, but I really think I can make some progress with my frozen yogurt recipes this month. I need to do something. I have a lot of research, a lot of guides, links, tutorials. Time to begin implementing it all. Thank you to all who have faith in me and have asked me about it, because you remind me of the promise I made to myself. You guys are my fire.

-Maria