Last Night's Super Moon + Themes

A full moon can take an affect on our lives up to a week before it actually happens. The super moon (also known as the Hunter's moon) that occurred last night has taken it's toll on me these past few days. A lot of talk about feelings and reflecting on my relationships has been rather exhausting, but necessary. What has happened to you in the past week? Have your relationships been up in the air? Did someone close to you tell you something that you never knew, or did you share your intimate feelings with someone else? 

New moon tarot card reading

SO I did myself a big ass tarot card reading for the new moon that just passed last week.


One thing that I want to emphasize that there is no right or wrong way of doing this. I personally just feel myself shuffling and I become drawn to cards, and I never really lay them out in a specific way. I kind of know as I'm doing it if that makes sense.

This reading, I kind of did a big general outlook, like a typical ten card reading.

I drew three cards, placing one down, and two others on either side. This is my present. Then I drew two cards and placed one below and one above the center card. Those two were my foundation, my past. Next is the future, which are two cards above the rest. Far future, if you will. Then I asked specifically about finances (two on the left), career (two on right), and love (one card in the top right hand corner.. which I'm not looking too much into at the moment).

My three present cards were The Queen of Cups, The King of Wands, and Four Cups. These all connect so strongly and the fact that the queen and king are next to each other means a lot to me. And each of these cards represents creativity and assertiveness, femininity and masculinity. This is so interesting to me, especially in the suits that they are in... wands and cups. According to this website, Wands and Cups paired together looks a lot like Kings and Queens when they are paired together... a lot of energy but very different.

Of course I am no expert, but I have always felt like a giant paradox, and this reading has struck a chord with me. I feel the emotional and caring nudge of the Queen, also with me unlocking more of my intuitive nature recently. The King inspires me to take a hold of a situation and create new ways of doing old tasks.  Another great bit of info? (I found this on the website as well)

King of wands: forceful
-helps the Queen of Cups be more assertive
-annoys the Queen of Cups because he assumes she will follow him


(hehehe)

Next to the pair is the four of cups. This reflects a period of self reflection, focusing on oneself, but also missing what's right in front of us. I'm not sure what I am missing, I have some ideas, but I would rather not get into it.

However, this might not be the case. Learntarot.com states "In some situations, you must focus on yourself. When life is too stressful, you need to devote time and energy to yourself or you will feel swamped. The Four of Cups can represent a positive period of self-reflection and renewal. By taking the time to go within to dream, muse and reflect, you restore your emotional balance."

I think this is exactly right. As I've said in previous posts, my life is shifting, and I've been alone in solitude (for the most part). I have been creating a lot, finding myself, and thinking about and reevaluating my situation. I think that I was giving too much and trying too hard for a lot of things, so this period has helped me immensely.

The past: The chariot reversed is below the queen of cups. It's funny how this card is below the queen in the pat and the king is next to her now. The Chariot represents assertiveness and confidence, but reversed, means that the energy is there but not yet achieved. The King of wands demonstrates that maybe I have finally found that assertiveness and confidence, and that I can now utilize it in the way I want.


I think that the five wands reversed above the queen shows me that my energies were scattered (that's how I'm interpreting it at least, with four of cups next to her). I wasn't looking inward. I was getting a lot of information from external sources, which too much of can obviously be unhealthy.

My future holds two cards. One is the King of cups, which is in a different position from the king and queen in the present. Next to that is the three of cups reversed.

I was thinking recently about how I need to channel more "water" in my life. Enhance my emotional intelligence, become more in tune with my spirituality, becoming more fluid in life. Allowing myself to just "go with the flow" sometimes. And the cups (whose element is water) presented here show me that I will being doing just that (with some problems, of course).

The King of Cups is a wise man, who understands what goes on around him and give therapeutic advice. Open minded and patient, this king demonstrates that either I will achieve this or that someone (most likely a man) will arrive into my life sometime in the future. I'm excited for this, I hope that I can look back at this and know exactly who this is referring to. The three of Cups reversed shows that my sense of community and friendship is not going to be at it's best, but the energy is there. I just won't be able to access it right away, or I'll have trouble using it.

Now I directly relate this to moving away to California. I may be happy with myself, achieved my greatest self, but had a hard time balancing this with getting to know and meet new people. Which is just like me. Same thing happened at college for me. It's hard that first year to balance it all. Lately I have been more conscious of how I spend my time, and realizing that some time wasters have big parts in my life.Social media has been a big distraction. How many could I meet in the time that I'm just scrolling down insta, or checking my facebook? this has been bothering me a lot lately, to be be honest. I don't mind others doing so, I'm not trying to project my weird guilt onto anyone else. This is just something I've been thinking about recently.

Anyway, this reading was huge. I learned a lot, and I was able to open up my mind a lot more. This reading has showed me that I have some things to work on, as always. I'm excited for this journey, though!

-Maria

stream of conscious 10.16.2015

I'm very confused. I'm very sad, and also very happy. I'm annoyed with myself because I'm finding enjoyment out of things. I'm afraid I'm shallow. I'm afraid that I am weird, and that other people don't want to be my friend because I'm too weird. I'm afraid that being myself is bitchy or creepy or annoying. I'm afraid that I have been more of a burden than anything else. How much time have I wasted? How much space am I taking up? And for what? Someone much more deserving should have the things that I have or the space that I live in.

I'm scared that I might be alone forever. I'm scared that I will never have the balls to get as close with someone as I have before. I'm scared that late night, intimate conversations will fade. I'm scared that I get too close to people to quickly. I feel like I have too many feelings about too many people. I think a lot about some people who I have only talked to maybe five times (and less, in some cases). Sometimes my honesty is too much, and I become misunderstood because the feelings are not mutual.

Sometimes I think about how I might never meet someone who feels the same way about coldplay as I do. I wonder if I'll meet someone who is as obsessed with Mc. Lovin' as I am. Maybe I can find someone who will walk with me for an hour, even if we don't say anything, and even if it is 95 degrees outside. I want to meet someone who doesn't think that they have power over me. I want someone to teach me cello, and I want someone to paint with me. I want random people to go on trips with me. You know, I fantasize about that so much. I think about what it would to be like to go on trips with random people in my life. I once met this guy and after our conversation I thought about what it would be like to travel to Germany with him. Or I think about Denver, Chicago, San Diego.

I live relationships out in my head. It's weird. It's like I don't want to comE on too strong so I just keep it inside and play with it. I sincerely hope I am not the only person who feels this way, because I certainly feel like it.  I think about all the people I've had a crush on, and I think about how good it would feel to kiss them today. I think about all the times I could have kissed someone if I had just been honest and open to it. There are some people that had the opportunity but turned me down when I was trying to kiss twenty people for my 20th birthday. I was so sad because I really wanted to kiss all of those people! It's so sad to think that I have thought about these people so much but they will never know how I really feel about them. And it's weird that there are people who feel this way with me. And I wonder about all the feelings I was oblivious to. Because honestly I would want to know! Who doesn't like to hear that they are liked or loved? Even if the feelings aren't completely reciprocated, we shouldn't get weirded out. This person like you a lot! What a lovely thing!

But it is scary. It is all really scary. And your body knows it because it becomes all hot and your hands shake. And you can feel you heart beat and you feel like your head might explode if you don''t say something right now, you have to say something right now. "Okay, bye." And then you're internally yelling because that isn't how you truly felt! That isn't what you wanted to say! YOu wanted to say something along the lines of, "Wow, I really like talking to you, you are such a cool person. If it's okay with you, I'd like to hang out sometime. Here's my number if you want to. No Pressure!" and then walk away all cool. But instead, you're fuming and annoyed to no end. And you keep going and doing this.




And I hope that you do, because I hope that this is all normal.

New Moon in Libra

I'm not going to go into too much detail but... the new moon hit me heavy as fuck.

 I did tarot readings both yesterday and today, but the one I did today has stuck out to me the most. I really felt it, and it was a genuine reading. The past couple of weeks I have struggled for a good tarot reading. I think I wasn't in the right mindset when I was doing them. But today I was able to focus on the cards alone, and drew some interesting ones... a lot of them were queen and king cards too. I think this was an intense reading. (I'll post that in a separate post)

 Okay. So yesterday, I thought I had missed the new moon. I didn't do any research but I went ahead and looked up when it was. As it had turned out, last night was actually the new moon. SO I looked up what sign it was under and everything. I found a great page here that told me some interesting things.

 One of them being:
  New Moon Opposite Uranus in Aries
Uranus is associated with sudden changes and revelations that are unexpected and can be exciting and/or disrupting. It is about individual freedom, and can also be revolutionary and rebellious, especially when in the sign of Aries.

With Uranus in an opposition to this New Moon, this implies that the new beginnings in relationships and co-dependencies will take into consideration a new awareness and/or changes that have occurred either last month and/or this upcoming month. For some people it could be about working within the constructs and finding a new sense of individual freedom within relationships. For others, it could manifest into finalizing a breakup or separation that has been developing since the beginning of summer."

TRUE AF (for me at least)

 One thing is that the new moon is about setting goals for ourselves and cultivating new projects/relationships/rituals/etc. and watching these develop as we get closer to the full moon in roughly two weeks. The moon is becoming full again. That is why when there is a full moon, we let go of things and release things, until the moon is getting smaller and disappears. Waxing and waning.

So for this new moon, which is in Libra, is all about balancing relationships, retaining old while developing new. This is something I have constantly struggled with. It really being amplified at the moment. I'm reaching out to a few people who I haven't spoken to in awhile for various reasons. I'm working to patch up some old friendships and begin a few new ones. I'm pretty excited, and I hope things go well and misunderstandings will be put aside. I've been holding onto some anger and frustration, and I'm working to let that all go.

 With my last post, I've thought a lot about relationships in general. How other people affect us, and if they know how much they do. For example, there are a few people that I want to be honest with, let them know everything I think about them (it's all good things). But I haven't talked to most of these people in months, which is exactly why I'm thinking about them all. We are all busy with school and work and other people, but there are still those few people that have helped me so much in the past (I'm looking at you, new college) and they probably don't even know it. So much so that I love them, so so much. But have not gotten the chance to tell them. And I regret that a lot. And I hope that I can revisit these people and tell them what they have done for me and how much I appreciated the time I spent with them. That all sounds bad and mushy but it's 100% true!!

Reflections